A message to my unborn daughter:
Hello Red. I've been very anxious and unsettled over the past few weeks. Worried about your arrival. My routines have gone out the window, my self-care transforming into self-sabotage, child-like behaviour, turning to sugar, caffeine and television to get by. I believed my feelings were being triggered by the overwhelming thought of having so much more to do, with so little sleep, but I've been through that twice before with Thor and Oak and I know I can handle it, bleary-eyed and grumpy on occasion admittedly, but I can dig deep and be there for you, your mummy and your brothers. I promise I'll be there for you. So I've tried to look into my fear and I've made connections with loving men and women who will offer me the gift of listening without the burden of advice. I've taken it to my men's group and thrashed it out under the treetops around the fire as the dusk fell. I've shared it with the men in my fathers group who are perhaps most closely empathetic, being in similar family situations. But none of it was hitting the button. I wasn't quite getting there. Some deep part of me was deeply fearful and screaming out a warning and I just couldn't hear it clearly.
So today I visited a very special mage, Mary Bolingbroke, for a cranio-sacral therapy session, and she got me there. Now I feel I understand. I can touch the source of my anxiety.
Red, you have five weeks to go before your official due date. At about the same time when I was an unborn baby in the womb I was preparing for the most traumatic experience of my life. My birth. Perhaps the cord that was wrapped around my neck as I struggled to come into the world was already snaking around my body and some deep and ancient instinctive part of me was preparing for battle. I had to fight to be born. It was dangerous and difficult. It defined the way I live my life. I'm still trying to put down the weapons and shed the armour, 38 years later. Mary intuitively sensed this and helped me to release the old patterns embedded energetically in my body tissues. Inside I settled. A sense of calm. Anxiety dissolving.
Which brings me to you Red. My journey is not your journey. Whatever happens as you come into the world, it will be unique to you and your own story to tell. My birth journey is my own and it has no bearing on yours. I'll hold the energy of my battle and free you up to experience your own birth exactly as it unfolds, moment to moment. You've got a courageous and brilliant mother who will be working with you every step of the way. However it goes I'll be here waiting for you at the other end (literally). Relax and enjoy this journey. I believe in you and I love you and I'm here for you.
I can't wait to meet you Red. Love Daddy x